Tag Archive: suicide


The Only Way Out

What did I do to people for them to look at me this way?

It’s 2018 and people still victimize me to this day

They look at me with disgust and as different

Even my own mother looks at me like this

 

You see, I am woman but was once a man

I always knew I was Catwoman and not Batman

But even I was frightened by the thought of this

And once I said it out loud, it terrified everyone else

 

The first person I told was my mother

She was not happy, she got angry and yelled slur

I was kicked out of my home and shunned

When we crossed paths, not a word would be said

 

I get stared at, pointed at and laughed at

What is it? Is there something on me? Is it a rat?

Parents see me, grab their children and walk faster

I wish they would not judge me, I am actually friendly

 

My mother also gets taunted for having a daughter like me

Or should I say “son”? Since that is what I’m supposed to be

She can’t handle all the humiliation and decides to hang

I killed my mother because of who I truly am

 

I have lost a lot of family and friends

Hopefully someday we can all make amends

But for now, I am all on my own

And once they all find out, they all go running

 

I have finally completed the process of transition

For many, though, I look like a failed mutation

Monster, tranny, he-she, and he

Are things I get called almost every day

 

I am human––NO I am a woman

But I am not sure anymore if I can handle this oppression

People are just not accustomed to people like me

However, even the small words hurt

 

Life would just be better if I would just disappear

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong here

I am an outcast, I am weird because of who I truly am

And now I am ashamed of that, I am ashamed of myself

 

“Ew you nasty tranny, go use the men’s restroom”

Someone in the women’s restroom says, I began to fume

No words come out so I run out, tears running down my cheeks

Why are people so mean and so rude? Words hurt

 

“I can’t do this anymore,” I say to myself over and over

I run to my car and speed home in my Range Rover

Knocking down everything that is in my way, I run to my room

And I open the drawer to my nightstand, there it is

 

Who knew that I would cause so many problems?

I didn’t think it would get to this point, wish this didn’t have to be the outcome

There it was staring back at me, it is the only way out

I know this will make all my troubles go away

 

I grab the cold heavy metal object up to my skull

To everyone who has been cruel, this is for you, hope you are cheerful

All of this pain and suffering because of who I truly am

Hopefully this time my mother welcomes me with open arms.  Continue reading

Sabrina Vazquez

I pulled up to the house around 10 o’clock, 4 hours later than I told Frankie I would arrive. I sighed as I looked out to see the house enshrouded in darkness, she must have gone to bed. I rested my head against the seat thinking about all the work I still had to do back at the office. I got out of the car and saw that Frankie hadn’t brought in the trashcan, she was usually diligent about anything to do with the house, but as of lately had ceased to care.

I walked into the house, it seemed cold and lifeless, but anytime I arrived and didn’t have my 16-year-old daughter greet me, the house felt bigger, colder. I dropped my briefcase on to the dining room table and walked into the kitchen and spotted a plate on the stove, I thought back to this morning to the conversation we had while having breakfast,

“No altercations today okay hunny? I don’t want to receive another call about you snapping at your chemistry teacher.”

“Not my fault he is an arrogant assh…”

“LANGUAGE, I do not know where this attitude is coming from Franceska, you never snapped at teachers, or used foul language.”, She stared off into the distance instead of making eye contact, if she hadn’t randomly cut her hair into a pixie cut, I am sure she would have been twiddling with it, a tick of hers.

I looked back down at my phone, so much to do, I had a big case coming up and had worked on it nonstop for the past 3 weeks.

“Dad, I really need you to be here on time today okay? I’m making your favorite dinner, I need you to be here, I’ve been feeling out of sorts and…”

I looked up, she had a sentiment in her eyes that I couldn’t decipher, “I’ll try hun, you know how busy I am, with this case and all”

“I know, but I don’t want to be alone again today”

I grabbed my briefcase and slid my phone into my pocket, I drank the last drops of my coffee and kissed Frankie on the head, “Be good okay?”

She stood up and gave me a hug, “Come home at 6, daddy, we will have fun, I love you”

As I walked out of the kitchen I called out “Bye my little monster”

“Goodbye, Daddy.” I heard her say before the door shut.

As I heated up my dinner, I thought of the last few years, life had been hard since Frankie’s mother passed away 4 years ago, the love of my life consumed by incurable cancer, we lost her in the span of 7 months, it changed me, I buried myself in my work, tried to be a rock for Frankie, but she was the strong one. She never cried, she was such a good kid, I knew that I should have made more of an effort, but work distracted me, and made me lose track of time. I’d make it up to her tomorrow, take the day off, take her out to her favorite place, make a day of it.

There was a knock on the door…, if it was that pesky neighbor again… I opened the door to two police officers, with looks that could only be described as pity.

“How can I help you.”

“We are so sorry to have to inform you Mr. Munstrein, at 7:48 this afternoon we found your daughter’s body, she hung herself off the old bridge, we believe she died almost instantly…”

“No, no, no, no, no, what, wha… that can’t be right, my daughter is upstairs sleeping, what kind of cruel joke is this?” I couldn’t make sense of what they were saying, my baby was asleep, she had made me dinner and gone upstairs, she had to be upstairs.

Something in his hands caught my attention, Frankie’s gold necklace with her initial hanging off of it, “I am so sorry sir, but is…” “What is that in your hands? Is that Frankie’s necklace? Why do you have it?” I snatched it from his hands

“Sir, once again I am so sorry, you are going to have to come down to the coroners to identify the body, we will…”, the police man’s words blurred as I dashed up the stairs

I ran to Frankie’s room, she wasn’t dead, she was upstairs sleeping, she was fine. I opened the door to her room and the emptiness hit me like a gust of frigid air, I looked to her bed, but it was empty of her small body, she wasn’t there. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO, NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU WERE THE ONLY THING I HAD LEFT!” I screamed into the empty room hoping this was all a nightmare, hoping she would walk through the door and tell me she was fine, that it had all been a misunderstanding, that it wasn’t her body that they had found hanging. I crumpled onto her bed, unable to grasp why my baby, my daughter had cut her life so damn short, at that moment I could have died from the pain that consumed me on her small unmade bed.

I awoke the next morning, for one second or less, I had peace, than it all came crashing back, the police officers, having to go to claim the corpse of my child, my baby girl, having to think of the preparations of the funeral. I turned to my side, I had no will to get up, no reason, the small bed protested because of my weight, but it didn’t matter, nothing did. I glanced up and there, propped up on her mother’s picture was a letter, sealed with a butterfly sticker.

My tears saturated the flimsy printer paper,

“Daddy, for months I tried, I promise you I tried so hard to get better, to be better, for you, to not cause you pain. I know you’ll blame yourself, but please don’t, after mom’s death you focused on work, and I don’t hold that against you. I am sorry I couldn’t carry the pain, I am sorry I couldn’t be stronger for you, but my sadness was no less deadly than mom’s cancer, it destroyed me. I know that you can’t make sense of this now, but I had stopped living a long time ago, I was merely existing. I’m free now daddy, free from the burden of life, death to me will be the sweetest rest, and I’ll have mom with me, take care Daddy, always, your monster.”

Review

In remaking a scene out of Frankenstein, I choose the scene where the creature kills Frankenstein’s beloved Elizabeth. In this story it tells the sad events of the day the daughter of a busy lawyer decides to kill herself, and although it never is clarified she is suffering from depression. In this remake I wanted to focus on Frankenstein’s avoidance on anything to do with the creature, and in having to face the reality of the situation. Frankie’s father is a workaholic, and has ultimately left his daughter by herself, because he beliefs she is stronger than him, or at least that is how he justifies it. They are still living in the home they shared with Frankie’s mom, and it weighs on both, but he stays at work, while she must go home. Frankie is showing clear signs of suicidal behavior, she has made a drastic change with her hair, she is acting out, losing interests in all things, misbehaving. She is calling out for help, she has isolated herself and the one person she calls out to does not see her in distress, her father. In his own need to avoid his home, to avoid the reality of his wife’s death, he ends up avoiding Frankie as well. Much like Frankenstein, Mr. Munstrein is too late, they are not able to save their deeply loved beings. In the novel, Frankenstein’s creation kills Elizabeth, while in my remake it is depression that claims her life.

I wanted to bring the story forward and make the characters everyday people, to tie it in with a mental illness that is a bit of a monster itself, or in how it is viewed. Depression can come from anything, an event, a chemical imbalance, alongside another illness, and although it is quite easy to get help for, many people do not. Much like the creation, a bit more of attention and facing their realities could have saved the lives of their loved ones, but they focused on what was wrong with them; in victimizing themselves, Elizabeth and Mr. Munstriein’s daughter became the real victims. This short remake of the scene through this short story can convey the helplessness of the situation. How these men’s actions inadvertently jeopardized the lives of the people they loved most, which if they had faced their realities, the outcomes could have been very different.

Karla Garcia

English 10

Dr. Garcia

27 November 2018

 

Frankenstein: “The Creature’s Wish Tangible”

A poet word’s once said, ‘some say the world will end in fire, some say ice.”

Of what he desired whether that of either fire or ice, fire became the price.

But it was not always so.

Unforgiving bitter white snow was the first to show

The world was coated with hard slick ice filled with nights of impenetrable darkness

And obscured the time which had been thought as harmless

Thus, an experiment began to procure mankind’s selfish blinded request

And thought himself highly safe and blessed

Throughout this selfish blinded endeavor man’s creature was thought deficient

His features became the deciding factor that of which man spurned and cursed

For it expressed hideous uncanny deformity and was left ultimately submersed

As the story goes, the Creature’s injustice rightly burst and surged

Expressing his emotions toward his selfish and uncaring creator he urged

But his rightly and justly felt cries were unheard

Both their miseries were thence by consequence intertwined

Days became months then years, and one declined thus fell behind

Justice for the creature’s pleas was erased and replaced with remorse

Thus, the creature’s last words were in due course

A funeral pile with torturous flames was to be his decided demise

Such odd desire for the world was still covered in thick cold ice

But now the same urgent words alarmingly ring

And the truth may severely sting

For the price to pay is no longer ice

It has become fire

Such price wreaks hellish havoc on our only Earth

Hot deadly fires burn so brightly their unforgiving heat consume all that it touches from the depths of our brown dirt,

To the tops of our once massive and flourishing green trees.

Some drop down in prayer to their knees.

But Nature’s signs were acknowledged too late

Fires have dispersed among many nations and are left in such desolate states.

Such are the vengeful fires that they burn among areas never conceived of before.

The fires consume ice even from one of the world’s coldest places

Known as Russia her Far Eastside icy planes have been ignited with fires as they leave their ash smattered traces

Proof of thoughts that were once inconceivable

Are now believable and unforgivable

 

Will mankind still ignore Nature’s warning signs?

Like Mary Shelly may have expressed by various designs

Through her genius book Frankenstein

Was it an odd desire?

Or a prediction after all?

The creature’s demise can know to be complete

For such sad request is now contrite

Wild seemingly inescapable fires that consume even the thickest of ice

Will, it such a determined desire suffice?

 

Selfless and loving Nature for mankind she had blessed

But mankind remains unstressed

Fires after fires continue each stronger than the other

Some plead to Earth to our Mother Nature

A year without summer was once proclaimed

In the near future such phrase will become, ‘a year without winter’ thus will be named

Reflection

I decided to write a poem imitating that of the poet Robert Frost. It was a very difficult task to articulate and create. Robert Frost’s first line became my inspiration for writing because of its overall message. As a result, I wanted to express climate changes the way Shelly herself describes it, but the way it affects our word today. The form is poetic and rhythmic I was, in essence, trying to imitate a sort of iambic pentameter like Frost.  Though I do admit that it may stray away I am not a poet after all. The begging of this long kind of epoch poem starts off with Frost’s line and becomes a gateway for my interpretation and twist.

So, I describe how it was in the begging of the novel, an icy world within the context of the novel and the Creature and his origins and the arrogance of mankind. I draw special attention to the creature’s last words indicating his suicide by flames. I found this detail (thorough some guidance) very interesting. How was the creature going to die if he was surrounded by ice and snow? As such, I believe it would be achievable if it were placed in today’s society. We know that global climate change is occurring and warming of the Earth has reached unprecedented levels. Not so long-ago California was hit by one of now recorded history’s deadliest fires. Leaving many homeless and others unfortunately missing.

In this poem, climate change from today’s society is expressed but crediting author’s like Shelly and Frost for their “critique” or interpretation of the world and its climate. Since these warning signs are now at a global level just like in Shelly’s time, I end the poem with the phrase, “a year without summer,” and replace it with, “a year without winter.”

 

 

 

 

Finality & Promethean Consequence

The ending of Frankenstein subtly recalls to mind the Promethean myth that is featured throughout the story. When Prometheus gave fire to humans, he also brought to them the consequences of Pandora’s box, which made humans suffer through disease, war, hunger, and calamity. From the point of view of the humans in that story, it wouldn’t be hard to imagine they would see Prometheus’s ‘gift’ as more of a curse.

Frankenstein, the Modern Prometheus, gave his monster the ‘gift’ of life. But more than this, Frankenstein created a monster who was doomed to suffer. In giving his last words, the monster clearly demonstrates how he would have rather not been given Promethean fire. In planning his self-cremation, he refers to his demise as “exult in the agony of the torturing flames”. This representation of the flames as torturing and ultimately harmful represents the other Promethean perspective. Where Frankenstein might see fire as a source of warmth, light, and nurture, the monster sees it as agonizing and torturous. Similarly, while Frankenstein’s Promethean intentions are good, the reality is that his monster comes to see the forces that brought him to life as cruel.

In this abrupt ending, the monster assumedly kills himself, which is represented as a release from his miserable reality. What’s missing in this text is what many people find missing when faced with suicide in real life, and that is a firm understanding of simply the why. The monster eloquently offers his reasons behind his desire to kill himself, and as readers we can clearly understand them. But suicide always leaves those who are left behind a feeling of longing – was there nothing he could have done short of killing himself? This longing for answers makes the ending of Frankenstein all the more compelling – so while the story is complete, our feelings and understandings are left incomplete. I was left pondering and thinking for quite some time after my first reading of the story. I think that is precisely what Shelley would have wanted – encouraging the readers to pause and reflect on the nature of humanity and life.